from The Babylon Bee:

HANOVER, NH—At a New Hampshire campaign stop, presidential candidate Joe Biden claimed he was at Mount Doom 3,000 years ago when Isildur decided to take the Ring instead of destroying it.

“I was there,” he said, his voice trailing off as some long-forgotten memory flashed before his eyes. “I was there 3,000 years ago… when Isildur took the Ring. I was there the day the strength of men failed.” Biden said that “the time of white men is over” and that “the time for us to listen to minority voices instead has come,” though he was quick to clarify that he should still be the one to wield the Ring of Power.

Biden seemed not to have a very strong recollection of the events, however, claiming that Harry Potter then flew in on a broom and took the ring in order to drop it in an exhaust port on the Death Star to stop the Borg.

“I remember it like it was last summer,” he said wistfully. “The summer of ’69.”

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