By Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Exile in Happy Valley

Donald Trump is the worst president in American History! That seems to be the downright unanimous opinion of every left wing wonk from here to Noam Chomsky, and I might have a bit more respect for the view if these throngs of progressive intellectuals weren’t so goddamn smug about it. After all I’ve never been particularly tame in my criticisms of the son of a bitch myself. His penchant for pure evil is pretty well documented. Any human being who fucks with children the way he has at the borders deserves things I can’t publicly advocate without being shipped off to Gitmo. As if that weren’t enough, his role in the ongoing genocide in Yemen, the ethnic cleansing in the West Bank, and the downright apocalyptic baiting of Iran and China should make it crystal clear to anyone with half a working soul that Donald Trump is a world class bastard in the first degree. But the worst president in American history? I don’t know, the Donald has some pretty stiff competition there.

First of all, we have to seriously ask ourselves what makes an American president the worst? Are we talking about intent or results? If worst is simply another word for failure than Trump leads the pack by a mile. But what does it really mean to fail when the job is essentially running the most violently despotic empire in human history? It’s a bit like asking who’s the worst Mafia don in Little Italy. If morality has anything to say about it then I would make the argument that the worst is the best. The most successful presidents are men who have done the most catastrophic damage at home and abroad and have completely gotten away with it with their reputations and the reputation of the evil empire they rep perfectly in tact. If this is the test, Donald flunks with flying colors. The man has been an absolute human tire fire, making an ass of himself on a daily basis and dragging the totally undeserved good name of the nation for which he stands down with him. Good. The world has lost respect for America on the world stage? Fucking great! They never should have respected this prolapsing anus of a genocide factory to begin with. In fact, allow me to be the first commie faggot to say, thank you Donald Trump, for setting the record straight, you psychotic race-bating imbecile. I really don’t know what else to say. Karma couldn’t do a better job.

Then who is the worst president in American history, you ask? It’s kind of a trivial question, but I’m a petty bitch with way too much goddamn time on my hands thanks to Trump facilitated COVID hysteria, so fuck it, I’ll go there. Why not? But you’re probably not gonna like what you asked for. In my book, the title for worst, at least in modern history, goes to a three way tie between the widely celebrated progressive presidencies of Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Harry Truman, for the very simple fact that no other three presidents did more to establish America as a successfully violent modern day Rome abroad and a carefully centralized executive dictatorship at home. That was the real point of both World Wars and all the millions of bodies they claimed. It didn’t have a goddamn thing to do with mom, apple pie, or fighting them over there so we didn’t have to fight them over here. It was about preparing our plucky little ex-slave colony to take the place of the British on the world stage and the results extend well beyond the blast radius of Hiroshima. They include Korea, Vietnam, and Iraq.

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