I didn’t even know he was sick

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Vladimir Putler has gone and done it now!

Most of you haven’t heard the news yet, but Russia’s most popular political figure, Alexei Navalny, was murdered this past weekend by the brutal dictator temporarily residing in the Kremlin. Well-placed sources say that this hit was ordered by the weak (and little) man known as “Vladimir Putin” because Navalny’s crack team of anti-corruption activists had found child porn on his laptop, and were about to publish this bombshell in media across the globe.

My better placed sources inform me that Putler had given the order to kill him in a fit of rage when he learned from Tucker Carlson that Navalny was a “superfan” of the animated TV series “Rick and Morty”. The show’s subversive and highly intelligent humour (most of you are too dumb to get it) is viewed by Putler as a personal affront because of the secretly encoded anti-regime messages strategically planted throughout each episode. Russia’s state security service (FSB) tried to decipher them, but their analysts are simply too dumb to be able to do so (remember: the show is for the highly intelligent, which means that most of you can’t get it….so stop pretending that you do).

During the interview prep session, Tucker Carlson shared this now famous photo of Alexei Navalny and his wife Lyudmila watching Rick and Morty on their flight back to Russia from Germany, shortly after Alexei’s recovery from Putlerian poisoning:

This is the last known photograph of Alexei experiencing freedom.

The fact that Putler personally went to the Siberian gulag where Alexei was being held prisoner in order to kill him in person speaks volumes about how weak, pathetic, and cowardly the Russian dictator really is. He knew that in any and open free election Russia (monitored by the OSCE, UN, the CIA, and other trusted international bodies) he would get trounced by Russia’s most popular politician in history. Research shows that in a head-to-head election for the Russian Presidency in a free and fair vote, Navalny would get between 85-91% of the overall popular vote. To put it simply, he had to go.

My very well-placed sources in Russia tell me that there is now a fight over custody of Navalny’s beautiful, swimmer-like corpse. Most assume that this is because Putler fears that an autopsy will reveal how he was bludgeoned to death with vodka bottles. There is no doubt that this IS the case, but there is also another reason: Putler wants to ensure that no one gets access to Alexei’s perfect remains because it is rumoured that it has already performed three miracles, thus making Russia’s most popular person in history a candidate for sainthood in the Catholic Church.

Some are already calling him “The Messiah of the Russian future”:

I believe this. I also believe that every Russian town in 50 years from now will have its own Navalny Square. Russian writer Lyudmila Ulitskaya agrees with me.

Mikhail Shishkin is fighting for democracy in Russia on the frontline in Switzerland, and I agree with his assessment here:

Russian exiles in Switzerland have a great historical track record of returning home and making their country a liberal democratic paradise, so Shishkin is one to watch.

Carole Codswallop also paid tribute to the greatest Russian of all-time:

If you don’t know who Carole is, she is the UK’s leading crusader against misinformation AND disinformation. She is leading two battles simultaneously, and has done incredible work uncovering how Putler financed and organized #Brexit. The brutal murder of Alexei makes her work all the more important.

St. Alexei was not always a good person i.e. liberal democrat. In fact, his earlier life resembled that of St. Augustine of Hippo, one of Christianity’s titans. In his youth, Augustine turned away from God to pursue a life of hedonism, eventually realizing that a life without God was not a worthy life at all.

St. Alexei also rejected liberal democracy in his youth, as we can see from this 2007 entry in his LiveJournal:

Much like the typical non-liberal democrat Slav, our St. Alexei was crude, mean, vicious, savage, and sadistic…..just like his murderer, Putler.

It was around this time that God/Liberal Democracy intervened from up on high, and granted him a scholarship to Yale University via the Yale World Fellows Progam. God/Liberal Democracy picked him out of a crowd to set him on the right path, the path of godly liberal democracy. At Yale, St. Alexei attended weekly seminars based around the concept of the “Good Society”:

Good Society. World Fellows present to each other their vision for making the world a better place, what they do professionally, and how they contribute to building the ‘good society.’

He also attended salons:

Salon. World Fellows host distinguished guests for discussions on key topics, expanding their knowledge and challenging their views.

St. Alexei also experienced his own personal development:

World Fellows receive individual and group coaching and skills development training. World Fellows can audit many of the 2,000+ courses offered at Yale, work on individual or collaborative projects, and conduct independent research.

And most important of all, he was brought into a circle of good, liberal democratic people, all of whom know that the purpose of life is to spread liberal democracy around the globe no matter how many millions of people need to be killed in the process of saving the world from non-liberal democrats:

Fellows expand their global network by connecting with World Fellows in their cohort and with other Fellows spread throughout the world. Yale’s campus also provides countless opportunities to connect with faculty and students over shared professional and academic interests.

Navalny left the Yale World Fellows Program a new man. No longer would he ally himself with Russian Neo-Nazis. No longer would he spew hate against Jews, “faggots”, and “black-asses” (the evil Russian term for those from Russia’s southern periphery). He would now spew hate only against non-liberal democrat Russians, just like God demands of us all. Alexei was finally saved.

St. Alexei’s mission was now a simple one: deliver to Russia the liberal democracy that its people want and crave, but that Putler and his henchmen refuse to allow. With the financial support of liberal democratic Russian business oligarchs of the 1990s, St. Alexei began to uncover the worst cases of corruption in Russian history. Russia had never seen such massive and brazen corruption before. In fact, it was the central purpose of Putler’s Russia. St. Alexei urged Russia to return to the economic paradise of the 1990s, where market reforms worked to improve the lives of all Russians, hand-in-hand with efforts to institute liberal democrat rule. Like the vast majority of Russia’s citizens, St. Alexei wanted to turn the clock back to the incredibly successful and utopian Yeltsin Era.

St. Alexei’s efforts to bring liberal democracy to Russia were so close to succeeding that Putler had him poisoned with Novichok in 2020. Our saint had to flee to Germany to get proper treatment to save his life so that he could continue his crusade on behalf of the Russian people and western financial and state security interests. Displaying his bravery and his total lack of fear, he hilariously returned to Russia in early 2021, defying little-man Putler, daring the dictator to toss him in jail.

Putler accepted the challenge and threw him into prison…..and then had him killed three years later.

A hero, a saint, and also an oracle. St. Alexei urged Russia not to support evil Syrian dictator Bashar Assad in his brutal, genocidal war against the liberal democrats of al-Nusra and ISIS:

Liberal democracy won in Syria, just like our saint had predicted.

Our saint also called out the brutal, genocidal Russian invasion of Ukraine as well. My humble request is that Moscow be renamed ‘Navalnygrad’ (or Navalnyyhrad in Ukrainian spelling) once the Ukrainian Army liberates it from Moskal rule and a liberal democratic government is installed in power by the CIA and MI6. This would be the most fitting tribute to St. Alexei, Patron Saint of Russia and Liberal Democracy.

St. Alexei joins a long list of liberal democrats who have been murdered by Putler. Some of the better known victims include:

al-Khattab was a Saudi liberal democrat who went to Chechnya to lead the Arab Mujahideen there, in its quest to end Russian rule not just in that province, but in the whole of the Caucaus region. His objective was to set up the Islamic Liberal Democratic Emirate of the North Caucasus. In 2002, Putler donned a goat costume, and then sexually lured al-Khattab into a wooded area near the Georgian border. Once he had him alone, Putler stabbed al-Khattab 50,000 times, most likely leading to the liberal democrat’s death.

Prigozhin was a liberal democrat who headed the Wagner liberal democratic paramilitary force, composed of 80,000 Russian liberal democratic political prisoners, all imprisoned by Vladimir Putler. Wagner was to be the nucleus of the Free Russian Liberal Democratic Army that would march on Moscow/Future Navalnyyhrad, but his heroic effort to free Russia unfortunately failed. Putler murdered him in 2023 using a remote control device to bomb the plane he was aboard on at the time.

The most powerful liberal democratic businessman of Russia’s Golden Liberal Democratic Age of the 1990s, he failed to detect just how malicious, evil, and especially, cunning, Putler actually was. After all, it was Boris who raised him up through the various verticals of power, convincing the Great Boris Yeltsin that Vladimir should be his successor, the one to finalize Russia’s transition to free-market liberal democracy. Upon gaining power, Putler turned the tables on liberal democrat and free market reformer Berezovsky, forcing him into exile in the UK. Boris would spend the next decade working as an NGO activist on behalf of liberal democracy and human rights in Russia. In 2013, Putler infiltrated his mansion in the Kentish countryside, and hanged him in his bathtub. It was ridiculously ruled a ‘suicide’.

The most powerful military leader of the Chechen resistance to Putler’s anti-liberal and anti-democratic rule, liberal democratic freedom fighter Basayev masterminded not only the Moscow Theater Hostage Liberation in 2002, but also the very successful liberal democratic attack on the elementary school in Beslan in 2004 which resulted in the deaths of 300+ children, all of whom were future Putler loyalists. Basayev was an incredibly effective guerrilla leader, and a man whose dedication to liberal democracy, human rights, and freedom won him admiration across the globe, including from liberal-democratic NGO al-Qaida. In 2006, Basayev fell victim to the same ploy that had ensnared and killed al-Khattab. Putin could not believe that he fell for it after knowing what had happened to his liberal-democratic colleague and fellow freedom fighter from Saudia Arabia.

Imagine a Russia that would no longer be ruled by Putler and his clique. Imagine a Russia that would return to the halcyon days of the Yeltsin Era. Imagine a Russia, both free and democratic, one in which all of its natural resources could be stripped by foreign financial interests who have only the best interests of Russia and Russian at heart. Imagine a Russia shrunk down to the size of Muscovy, with a free Tatarstan, Bashkortostan, Dagestan, etc. removed from its rule, allowed to pursue its own liberal democratic path.

This is the vision of St. Alexei, Patron Saint of Russia and Liberal Democracy. See you next year in Navalnyyhrad.

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