1,143 words / 8:44

The news reports agree: Last Wednesday’s self-inflicted accidental gunshot death of a 17-year-old Virginia rapper was a tragic event.

MSN reprints an article from something called Hip Hop Vibe:

Virginia’s drill rap scene was shaken by the tragic news of 17-year-old rapper Rylo Huncho. He wound up fatally shooting himself in the head while recording a TikTok video. The incident occurred at his home, leaving family, friends, and fans devastated . . .

Audio version: To listen in a player, use the one below or click here. To download the mp3, right-click here and choose “save link/target as.”

“Rylo Huncho Death: TikTok Rapper Dies from Tragic Accident,” blares the headline in The Direct:

TikTok rapper Rylo Huncho has died following a tragic accident captured online.

Newsweek:

Family, friends and fans are grieving after a 17-year-old rapper died tragically in Virginia on Wednesday after he accidentally shot himself while filming a video on social media. . . . His most recent song was released on May 12, just days before his tragic death.

“Tragic moment teen rapper Rylo Huncho, 17, accidentally shoots himself dead while filming video for social media after pointing gun at his head and pulling trigger,” reads the headline in the Daily Mail:

A 17-year-old Virginia rapper made a fatal mistake when he tragically shot himself dead while attempting to film a profane music video for social media last week.

Rylo Huncho was seen on video . . . showing off a handgun, waving the barrel while displaying its built-in green laser sight and flashlight.

He then took control of the grip, appeared to shut off the safety and pointed the gun to his head before saying ‘f*** y’all n****s’ and pulling the trigger.

Famous last words: “Fuck y’all niggas” — BLAM!

“Support for Grieving Aunt After Tragic Loss” is the title of the GoFundMe account [reproduced exactly as typed]:

Hello , my aunt recently lost her 17 year old son from a self inflicted gun wound to the head . He was her only son ! She was a single parent but took care of her son the best she could. Suicide/accidental was the cause of his death we are still trying to figure out why . But anything I mean anything can help her at this time of need . He was her only child she was also an only child it was always her and her son .

Here is the now-viral clip of the aspiring rapper accidentally splattering whatever brains he had all over the room. It looks as if our boy was wielding the same gun in a March 24 TikTok video where he somehow managed not to accidentally blow off his head.

Until last week, “Rylo Huncho,” real name Raleigh Freeman III, lived perched on the cusp of legal adulthood with his mother in Suffolk, Virginia.

Young Raleigh was a black male teen, which is one of the most misunderstood groups on the planet, primarily because they mumble so much. At any given moment, it’s nearly impossible to understand them. Maybe they wouldn’t have to keep asking “knowhamsayin’?” if they spoke more clearly. You know what I’m saying?

Just so you have no doubt that that we all tragically lost a bona fide atom-splitter and that we should weep not for Rylo Huncho but for the world, here are some of his rap lyrics:

Never worry ’bout a bitch, ‘cause I’m always fuckin’ pimpin’.

She’s gonna swallow all the cum, ‘cuz she loves how it tastes.

I’m tryin’ to cut that nigga’s neck and watch that nigga fuckin’ die.

I feel just like I’m at home
I’m throwing bullets with no fucking past.

The last couplet has a poignant prescience, seeing as how in his quest to become a famous rapper, he threw a bullet at home and now has no fucking future. He also ensured that there will be no Raleigh Freeman IV and that his noble seed line expired with that ill-advised livestream.

What sort of sociological petri dish would breed and nurture such a potty-mouthed, tarantula-headed lamebrain?

A local news station tracked down the recently-deceased boy’s mother, a nice black lady named Monica Savage who refused to show anything to the camera besides one of her Nike Air Jordans. You can hear her voice, but it appears as if she’s speaking through her sneaker:

When I came in the house, and I seen my son in his blood. . . . I ran across the street, and I almost got hit by a car for going across the street trying to save my son’s life. . . . He had some nice music on YouTube. . . . He got some nice songs. He rap real good. . . . I didn’t know he had a gun. I did not know he had that. . . . I just want my baby back. That’s all I want. I miss my baby.

This appears to be the grieving baby mama’s Facebook account. After some ruthless detective work, I dug up some intel on a “Monica Savage” who lives on White Marsh Road in Suffolk, Virginia, the same location listed in the funeral home’s obit for her dearly departed son. She is 49 years old and allegedly has several prior arrests dating back to before Rylo’s tragic birth on charges such as being drunk in public, failure to obey a police officer, failure to appear in court, “abusive language to another,” and misdemeanor assault. According to the data sheet I was able to compile on her, she has allegedly used e-mail handles that include prefixes such as “sexymonica,” “sexygirl,” “sexyfreeman,” and “raleighfree,” so it seems as if we’ve found our girl.

Monica Savage was, and continues to be, a strong, intelligent, libidinous, empowered black woman who speaks through her sneaker using an esoteric ghetto form of ventriloquism and sho’ ’nuff didn’t know her baby boy had no gun despite the fact that he posed for a video with the same gun nearly two months before his tragic demise. In a token gesture of good faith, I’ll allow that Ms. Savage missed the prior video with the gun and only saw the one where her only child boasts of slicin’ another nigga’s neck.

I also was able to compile a dossier on a certain “Raleigh Augustus Freeman” who lives in Suffolk and has “possible associations” with a Monica Savage in Suffolk. He has criminal charges dating back to the year 1999 for things such as petit larceny, destruction of property, trespassing, threats to bomb or damage a building, drinking alcohol in public, failure to appear, unlawful wounding, interfering with traffic as a pedestrian, disorderly conduct, malicious wounding, assault, and arson on an occupied building.

But that “Raleigh Freeman” is 57 years old, which would probably make him Li’l Rylo’s grandfather.

The missing link here is the dead boy’s father, Raleigh Freeman, Jr.

In Darwinian terms, it seems as if everyone involved in this story is a “missing link.”

As the saying goes, one man’s tragedy is another man’s comedy.